Tiny terrorists — me and the bee

This is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you won't believe it. It's a beautiful day, and I'm feeling alright. I decided to do a bit of gardening. I love my garden.

I let my guard down for one second, and I go out in my backyard in the fucking suburbs literally for a half-hour. I'm wearing pants, my socks are tucked into my boots and my shirt is tucked into my pants. I come back inside, lay down on the couch, run my fingers through my hair and feel what seems to be a scab on my head. I freeze, then panic and a sheer wave of horror runs over me because I know, I know what it is, It's a TICK! I jump up and start screaming. Ruthie lets out a bark and starts bouncing around after me. I run upstairs and part my hair, look in the mirror and sure as shit on the side of my head by my temple is a tick attached to my scalp. I honestly don't know how I managed to do this... shaking and screaming I grab tweezers, wedge them directly under the head, pull straight up and dislodge the bastard. A piece of my scalp comes off with it, I throw it in a plastic bag and have a meltdown. It's alive. It's a female dog tick, and I hate its guts. How has this happened to me three times! I'll tell you how. It's becoming a pandemic. Also, I must be a tick magnet! What do I do next? I grab a bee and sting my head around the bite..... umm yes I stung my head to try and stop any bacteria from the tick from spreading. And no it was not fun. Then I bagged it, tagged it and sent it off for testing.

I sent the tick to the Bay area Lyme Foundation. They are a place that came recommended to me because they test for free, but little do I know they're so backed up and inundated with the amount of ticks sent in this summer that it took longer than a month for me to get the results back, not the ten days promised on their website. In the meantime, I start swallowing doxycycline for six weeks as a prophylactic just in case it's caring Lyme disease.

I cannot afford to get anything new- remember I told you that ticks carry a laundry list of pathogens? Just because I have Lyme already doesn't mean I'm exempt from getting more crap - I cannot afford to get more crap. There are more than 300 strains of Lyme and many many co-infections.
Speaking of crap why should you give a crap? Do you like to go outside? Do you like to sit in the grass? How about a picnic, a stroll through a nature center, a hug from your dog or cat. My friend Donna, who lives in Pennsylvania, found a tick behind her son's ear this summer after a family hike. Look at what happened! He was one of the lucky ones. They found the tick. And her son had the bull's-eye rash which indicated infection. He also got cellulitis. Thank God she found the tick and that he presented with the bulls-eye rash. He was treated and is OK. The best way to stay protected is to be proactive. Do a quick tick check when you come in and put on a tick spray when you go outside. I slacked on this when I was gardening. Why? I didn't think it would happen in my own yard. I was wrong. I will talk more about prevention later and provide some helpful tips.

I have even heard of people that have been bitten by a tick sitting on a subway or in Central Park. Could it be that our demise will be from a vector-borne disease? Could we be taken down from a bug not a bomb? Excuse me if I sound dramatic. Can you blame me?